like you never have known(1).
I want to believe this.
I think I want my memories of her to become a series of blurs like she never occurred but, I doubt that will happen. I say I think because I still hold on to a foolish hope that someday she will either realize how I feel about her or if she is already aware, that she might reciprocate.
It's rough for me because it seems I initiate all contact. I'm never asked how my life is but I ask her. I'm interested in her life but she shows no interest in mine. They say the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference(2). Writing this, seeing it on the screen gives no comfort but it does provide epiphany. Unless I ask her in a straightforward manner her feelings toward me, I will have to live with the almost certainty that she has none. It's the "almost" that is at the same time agonizing and a source of hope. I would not soon see that hope dashed, even if it means the agony.
I've spent roughly half of my expected years on the Earth(3) and I still don't know how to deal with feelings like an adult.
(1)Someday You Will Be Loved Death Cab for Cutie
(2)Elie Wiesel
(3)Psalms 90:10
I want to believe this.
I think I want my memories of her to become a series of blurs like she never occurred but, I doubt that will happen. I say I think because I still hold on to a foolish hope that someday she will either realize how I feel about her or if she is already aware, that she might reciprocate.
It's rough for me because it seems I initiate all contact. I'm never asked how my life is but I ask her. I'm interested in her life but she shows no interest in mine. They say the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference(2). Writing this, seeing it on the screen gives no comfort but it does provide epiphany. Unless I ask her in a straightforward manner her feelings toward me, I will have to live with the almost certainty that she has none. It's the "almost" that is at the same time agonizing and a source of hope. I would not soon see that hope dashed, even if it means the agony.
I've spent roughly half of my expected years on the Earth(3) and I still don't know how to deal with feelings like an adult.
(1)Someday You Will Be Loved Death Cab for Cutie
(2)Elie Wiesel
(3)Psalms 90:10
No comments:
Post a Comment